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Saturday, 25 December 2010 09:33

Written by Seth Rorabaugh

Note: The following is a "play-by-play" account of this week's episode of '24/7: Penguins/Capitals Road to the NHL Winter Classic."

2:03: Pascal Dupuis and Sidney Crosby are shown in Crosby's hotel room watching Versus with presumably one of three televisions in Philadelphia that can get the channel. Crosby's fight with Stars defenseman on Nov. 3 is discussed:

Crosby says: "I asked him, I said pretty much, 'We're fighting.' He said, 'Are you serious?' And I said, 'Yeah, we're going and we're going to go." He said, 'Do you want to take your helmet off?'

2:04: Dupuis explains why he rarely fights, "They're scared of the beard and the unibrow."

2:05: Evgeni Malkin offers an impromptu impression of former basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian:

-We think.

2:06: We get our first vulgarities of the show. An unknown Penguins - perhaps Mike Rupp - says "____ these guys. ___ them."

(We'll score this as an unknown vulgarity without conclusive evidence. Kind of like the video review of Mike Green's goal the other night.)

-As is usually the case, the class of your average Philadelphian is on display:

-A goal by Malkin is shown, another unknown curser can be heard, "Yeah, I'll go to the ___ ...."

-Another unknown curse: "Tanger! Great ____ play!"

2:07: Talbot provides us our first definite identified vulgarity, complete with visual proof in the form of a subtitle:

-As another goal by Malkin is shown, more unknown swearing, "____ right!"

2:08: As the Penguins suffer their first loss in a month, Marc-Andre Fleury is shown walking into the locker room frustrated. He offers a simple, "____!"

Dan Bylsma addresses the team, "Losing sucks. You got tomorrow. Right away. Let's get back on the horse. Get back to how we play. Let's get the hell out of here."

2:09: The show shifts focus to the Capitals. Defenseman Mike Green is shown riding a Moped in presumably freezing temperatures inside the Beltway:

2:10: Capitals forward Matt  Hendricks is shown sporting a pretty gruesome shiner complete with stitches under his right eye:

2:12: Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau gets a late start in the vulgarity scoreboard, "___ skate hard and work it.... You can be anywhere. You're playing ____ hockey for a living. Have some ____ fun out here.

We even get Jesus Christ's name used in vain by an unknown Capital.

2:13: Boudreau: "It might be 0-0. Who knows? If they score a goal? ___ them. They scored a goal. Big deal. You know? So let's be ready tomorrow here. Let's ____ uh... get the smiles back on our faces and let's work hard."

2:16: Back to the Penguins. As they rate the players individual from the previous night's game in Philadelphia, Bylsma discusses Dupuis with Tony Granato. "Got to talk to him today. When you're playing with those two guys (Crosby and Malkin), you go to throw a hit."

2:17: Footage from "The Staff Game," a pick up game at Consol Energy Center among Penguins' employees is shown. Bylsma actually wears his glasses under a visor:

-A large looming presence is then shown stepping onto the ice. He proclaims, "You got a new player!"

-Quite an addition.

-He looks like he's in the best shape of his life by the way.

0:20: Back to Washington. Hendricks taps Washington captain Alex Ovechkin on the shin pads and says" ____ A game tonight!"

0:21: During an intermission of a tied game with the Capitals, Ovechkin sits in his locker stall and mutters, "____ joke. ____ crossbar. Post. ____!"

Boudreau, "We just got to stay the course. Stay the course. Don't get ___ too antsy. Just keep doing what you're doing. Pick it up 10 percent more mentally. ____ be defiant. Just do all of those things that you know you have to do today. Twenty ___ minutes here. Let's keep getting it deep. Getting it deep all the time. ___ just keep getting it deep. We got the good changes this period so we'll do what we have to do here. Let's stay strong, and if you believe, it will ___ happen."

0:23: After losing the game in overtime, Boudreau addresses his team: "That's a tough one because you played your hearts out. If you play like that, you're going to win an awful lot of games in a row. That was a tough ___ loss at the end. We made a mistake or two. But that's ____... that's it. You guys got a ___ point. And that's ___ ... it's a start. It's ___ a start up hill. So don't get ____ depressed and hang  your heads on that one. That was a great ___ effort from everyone.

0:24: Back to Pittsburgh. As Johnny Cash's "Man in Black" is played, Brent Johnson discusses his passion for hockey, "I ____ love it. I love it."

0:25: As Johnson makes a save, Bylsma says "What a ____ save!"

0:27: As Arron Asham and Rangers forward Sean Avery get into a fight, referee Stephen Walkom is wearing a microphone. He bellows to a linesman, "Hey! Let 'em go! Let 'em go! Give them a little room. That's all I ask!

0:28: A goal by Malkin is waved off as Dupuis is called for goaltender interference against New York's Henrik Lundqvist. Dupuis yells at an official. I can't believe you called that! You got to be ___ kidding me."

Bylsma then talks with an official:

Bylsma: "He got pushed into the goalie. That's still no goal?

Official: "I got incidental contact. He's standing right inside the crease at the time the puck was shot."

Bylsma "Wait until you see it..."

Official: "He's not letting the goalie play within the crease."

Bylsma: "He can't! Because the guy pushed him right in. His ___ right back in."

Malkin adds: "_____ ______."

0:29: In the officials' locker room, Walkom tells fellow referee "Good ___ call there Morty."

Morton: "He's driving right to the net. The guy on his back side doesn't bother pushing him. He's just on his ____."

Afterwards, the officials all enjoy a postgame beverage:

0:30: Footage of Bylsma and Ray Shero informing Dustin Jeffrey he's being demoted to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton is shown.

0:31: In a conversation with Boudreau, Capitals general manager George McPhee says of the Capitals' losing streak, "Adversity is a good teacher. This could be the best thing that ever happens to us."

0:34: Ovechkin is shown on a trainer's table complaining about a hamstring injury: "Right in here. ____ sharp pain."

0:35: Ovechkin is shown at home with his parents. Apparently his father is "Don Vito" Margera from "Viva La Bam:"

0:36: Bylsma is shown at home with his son Brian. Bylsma shoots puck at a shooter tutor. His son works on re-directing the pucks. That automatically makes him the best net-front presence with with ties to the Penguins.

-We think.

0:35: Craig Adams is shown in a hallway with his children at Consol Energy Center. His three-year-old son Rhys points to individual photos of the players on the wall and begins naming them ("Sid. Malkin. Fleury... etc.") When he gets to his father's photo, he simply says, "Craig."

Craig Adams, "Who?!?"

Rhys Adams, "Craig."

Craig Adams, "You mean, 'Daddy?!?'"

0:37: Matt Cooke is shown in the visiting locker room where the Coyotes have all their gear set up. He plays a few pranks on former teammate Paul Bissonnette by cutting one of his skate laces and jamming bubble gum inside the fingers of his gloves.

0:41: Back to Washington. When discussing media speculation on Boudreau's job security, McPhee lays it out, "When you're having a tough stretch, this is when there are too many reactionaries. All the 'experts' come out. All the pundits come out with their opinions. The truth of the matter is if they knew anything about the game, they'd be in it.

Boudreau: "It's not coming from anyone you respect as a hockey person."

0:43: On a road trip to Boston, Capitals forward and former Penguin Matt Bradley has a prank pulled on him as a teammate sneaks an entire lobster in his jacket pocket.

-Prior to a game, an unknown Capitals yells, "____ get it up here boys!"

0:44: As the team goes down by two goals to the Bruins, Boudreau address his team during a stoppage: "Keep it ___ going. Play hard. Don't deviate from what we're doing. ... Let's be ___ be smart. We'll come back today."

As the Bruins take a 3-0 lead, Boudreau can be heard screaming: "___ off! ____! What the ____ are we doing?"

During the first intermission, forward and alternate captain Mike Knuble is shown pacing around the locker room, point a finger and rallying his teammates:

0:45: Green is roughed up in the corner by Bruins captain Zdeno Chara. He drops his gloves and stick and grips his faces. Referee Bill McCreary checks on Green.

Green: My ___ face. He ___ hit me right in the ___ mouth.

McCreary: "All he did was hit you...

Green: With his ___ stick.

McCreary: No he didn't.

Green: Watch the replay. I'm not going to ___ yell but watch the ___ replay.

McCreary: Don't start swearing at me. I'll tell you right now.

Green: "My ___ tooth is in my lip."

0:46: Boudreau: "Get it deep and outwork the ___ guy!"

Boudreau: "Who the ___ is going to get it?!?!"

Boudreau: "Don't force it to that ___ guy! He's never open!"

0:47: Back to Pittsburgh. Crosby's infamous superstitions are addressed:

-He purposly avoids walking by the visiting locker room.

-He maks a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with particular brands of condiments.

-He participates in the pregame soccer kickaround.

-Perhaps the most infamous of all is his old, disgusting worn-out athletic supporter:

-We assure you, it's even more disgusting in person.

-Finally, Crosby and Malkin exchange a handshake/headbutt.

-Crosby discusses why Malkin is the last one to go out to the ice for pregame skates: "I used to go out last. Then Geno came in. I said, 'Do you usually go last?' He goes 'Yeah.' I go, 'Oh?' I wasn't sure how to react, like 'Do you want to rock, paper scissors here? What are we doing to do?' And then he goes, "Me three years Superleague.' So he was talking about how he had played in the Russian professional league for three years and I had only played one year in the NHL."

0:49: The Penguins theme "Boys of Winter" is addressed:

0:50: Deryk Engelland's knockout fight with Phoenix's Taylor Pyatt is shown. The effects are evident on Pyatt's face:

-After the game, a convincing 6-1 win, healthy scratch Eric Godard greets his teammates returning to the locker room in his signature bright stop sign red suit:

-After the game, the team hands out the Kevin "Duffy" Shovel Award in honor of a former worker at the Civic/Mellon Arena who passed away prior to the season. Fleury hands the award, literally a shovel, to Malkin:

0:52: Back to Washington. Boudreau: "We're learning through our mistakes. And we're learning what it's going to take to be a great team. And it comes with a lot of ____.... We've been knocking on the door hard. Nobody's answering the door. So it's up to us to break the ____ door down and do it for ourselves.

0:54: As the Capitals fall 2-0 in the first period to the Senators, Boudreau screams, "____!"

-In the locker room, Boudreau says, "I've seen too much where, some of us, not all of us, are accepting the plight we're in and going 'Here we go again. Here we go again.' Well it takes the guys in here again to ___ get out of it. This is a really important period for this year. You've got to say it's ___ over. It you don't say it's ____ over, then something bad can really ___ happen. I don't think we want the bad things to happen. Too many of us are enjoying it here. ____ like it here. Now let's get out of our ___... funk and ___ go and do it right now!"

0:55: As time runs down on the Capitals' 3-2 win, their first in nine games, Boudreau screams, "We ended this ___ thing!"

-The team celebrates the win as if it won a playoff series. An unknown player yells "___ right!"

-Ovechkin is skating off the ice with teammates and says "___ right.... ___ long time huh?

-Unknown: "____ right!"

0:56: In the joyous locker room, Boudreau implores, "Let's give the ___ helmet away!"

-Forward D.J. King tosses a red hard hat, their equivalent of the Penguins' shovel, to forward Mathieu Perreault for his two-goal effort.

Unofficially, here is your swearing count for the second episode:

Others offering swear words: Dean Morton 1. Unknown 1.

-Unofficially, here are the standings through two episodes

Others offering swear words: Unknown 2, Dean Morton 1. Colton Orr 1.

Comments (6)

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written by Cup4Pens, December 25, 2010 - 01:49 PM

I had to laugh at the sign made by the Philly fan with the kitty on it. Not because it showed they have no class (that is demonstrated regularly) but because it demonstrated their lack of intelligence. There should no apostrophy in the word they were trying to express. Nice work, Cryer fans!

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written by sdart, December 25, 2010 - 04:02 PM

Thanks Seth for the vulgarity play-by-play. In Australia for some very strange reason, our cable company bleeps out all the swearing which really detracts from the atmosphere of the show. Now i can get a better feel for the episodes by replacing the bleeps.
Cheers

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written by bastage42, December 25, 2010 - 04:15 PM

Boudreau, reacting to Seth's cursing count:

"Well, at least we're ____ winning something against them."

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written by jongaltx, December 25, 2010 - 10:45 PM

*t is fascinating that so much talk has been invested in the depth of the profanity in the 24/7 series. Not only in the Pens series, but also in the Jets series this summer; but few people have any qualms about watching the close-ups of the the players beating each other to a bloody pulp. The aftermath of the skirmishes are just as brutal as the fights with close-ups of split skulls and stitches, bloody eyes and black and blue cheeks, but after all of that, the main complaints and focus seems to be the depth and breath of the cursing of the players and coaches.

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written by Uli, December 26, 2010 - 11:09 AM

Great post, Seth!

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written by saneman, December 26, 2010 - 01:17 PM

Boudreau aka Porky Pig looks hilarious cursing. It just does not suit his voice. There is no Scorsese like poetry to his cursing.

I am glad Ovechkin kept the towel on.

I wonder if the pranks are sanitized versions they are doing because of the tv cameras. Most of the pranks just seem so middle school. I would expect pro athletes to have some pretty R rated pranks.

I liked the season opener. But in the second ep, I wish they changed the tone a bit instead of sticking with he overly reverential tone the series seems to have all the time with Liev's voiceover and the music and very pretty cinematography.

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